Welcome And Why Stress Matters

SPEAKER_00 0:25

Nobody had taught me about the iterative mindset. I was still seeing everything in a black and white success or fail, too late or never gonna happen mindset. And when I learned that, oh, that reel didn't fail, that's just neutral information about how the algorithm interacted with it, what appeals to clients, how good the hook was. That's when I realized, oh, this is a journey of like eight million steps. You get to become an overnight success, it just takes seven years.

Colleen’s Shift From AA

SPEAKER_01 0:53

Welcome to the Plan Like a Boss Podcast. I'm your host, Tanya Lawson. And I know that a lot of you are trying to hit that six-figure mark. So I reached out to a few six-figure entrepreneurs to come on the podcast. And my guest today is one of those six-figure entrepreneurs. And while I was expecting a conversation on business growth, I got something so much more. So if you're an entrepreneur who's ever felt stressed or overwhelmed, you're going to want to listen to this. My guest today, Colleen Freeland, is an intuitive drinking coach and host of the globally top-ranked It's Not About the Alcohol podcast. Colleen founded Emotional Sobriety Coaching for high-achieving professional women who want to reduce alcohol consumption by 80%. She combines holistic and evidence-based strategies in neurophysiology, cognitive reframing, and spirituality to reprogram the mind and body so you actually prefer drinking in moderation. Colleen secretly struggled with alcohol use disorder for over 20 years before discovering that the solution to overdrinking is to get happy, not sober. She's an addiction and recovery certified master life coach with a master's degree in health coaching, a bachelor's in biology and chemistry education, and is certified as a women's functional and integrative health professional. Colleen, welcome. I am so happy to have you on the podcast today. I'm excited to be here, Tanya. Start by telling us your story. What got you into sobriety coaching?

SPEAKER_00 2:32

Well, I love that you put it that way because that is where I started was sobriety coaching. So I woke up about six weeks into COVID and waved the white flag. All of the reasons I had to not drink all the time were gone. Happy hour started at noon, and I had just gotten up at 11 and it was not going well. So I did the only thing that a lot of women know to do, although I think it's changing now, but I called the AA hotline. I surrendered my power, got a sponsor, got the big book, and started doing the steps. And what I learned as I went, then of course, being a high-achieving entrepreneur, I started a business as a coach because I was already a coach. I did functional medicine, gut health, things like that. Um, I was already that. So I decided with my new passion, you know, that, oh, I'm gonna save the world with sobriety. You know, like this is amazing. Everybody should stop drinking. So I started a business with that. And what I found was that two things would happen. Either my clients would come in and get the trophy. They would do the 12 weeks and be sober and feel really good about their behavior change. And then six months later, they were right back where they were because we hadn't solved the real problem, or they came into the program and really struggled to completely abstain. And yet we couldn't talk about it because I was preloading their internal wisdom with mine of the goal. Here is to get sober. And so I was realized that we weren't solving the problem. And that was the whole, that was the whole problem with the industry. They're asking the wrong questions and they're telling women the bad information, still based on the AA concept where that was created before neuroplasticity was known. And what I realized is that this is not about the alcohol. This is about your relationship with yourself. And when you're good with yourself, when you feel confident and powerful and you have the capacity to cope with all the problems in your life, you don't want to pour alcohol on that. It's not that you can't drink, and that's where I shifted into a mindful drinking coach because it's not about the alcohol.

SPEAKER_01 4:53

I love that. Now, you launched your coaching business and podcast in your late 40s, correct? Um, yeah, 48-ish. 48, 40, yeah, 48. 48. Hey, that's where that's right where I am right now. And um, you grew it into your by your 50s into a seven-figure company with a team of 10. For female founders who feel like they're starting late or miss their window, what is your advice on stepping into your power and building something massive in midlife?

It’s Not About The Alcohol

SPEAKER_00 5:23

Oh, that's a loaded question. I will tell you that I started my podcast at 48 because I didn't start it at 46 when I really wanted to. I will tell you that I waited a long time with imposter syndrome, looking at everybody who was bigger and ahead of me, and feeling like I would never catch up. So, what would be the point? And where I'm at now as a seven-figure business owner, and it is hard, and it's the hardest thing I've ever done. But the mindset now is really more about the journey, what I'm learning about myself, my ability to cope with my own stress so that I can stay big picture is very important. I think you have to be attached to the process, not the result. And ironically, that tends to lead to better results because you live in less stress. And I can still remember getting on Instagram, right? Trying to break the codes on the algorithm, and I'm getting, you know, a hundred views. And I remember showing my feed to somebody who was way ahead of me, a seven-figure biggest business owner. And I'm like, what am I missing? Look at my feed. And she looked at it and she goes, Well, that reel worked. You should just redo that and iterate. Like, nobody had taught me about the iterative mindset. I was still seeing everything in a black and white success or fail, too late or never gonna happen mindset. And when I learned that that reel didn't fail, that's just neutral information about how the algorithm interacted with it, what appeals to clients, how good the hook was. That's when I realized, oh, this is a journey of like eight million steps. And I love, I think it's Mel Robbins that says, you get to become an overnight success, it just takes seven years.

SPEAKER_01 7:13

Yes, I think we all love Mel Robinson. That's that's definitely, definitely true. Now, you talked about learning to deal with stress as a seven-figure entrepreneur. And I know that stress is just something that comes with entrepreneurship. So how did you learn to overcome your stress and handle stress without excessive alcohol? Because I know a lot of people lean to a glass of wine at the end of the evening. I know, I know I used to, I quit drinking after I was diagnosed with cancer. But I know a lot of people do lean into that. How do you handle stress?

Building A Big Business Midlife

SPEAKER_00 7:50

Well, first of all, that's a question that we'd need about three days to answer. And I'm happy to hit some of the highlights, but the perspective shift that we can accomplish with this conversation is that I am the source of my own stress. It is not my podcast analytics for the week. It is not the revenue that's come in or did not come in, it is not the team member that quit. It is not the consultant that's not working out. I am my own source of stress. Everything there are no problems out there. There's neutral information. It is what it is. And the sooner you quit arguing that it should be different or better or faster, the the more the then you're capable of dealing with it. Like it's a challenge, it's an opportunity, it's information, it's a redirect. There are there is no failure or success. Failure is a mental construct. Like there is no failure. Like just sit with that for a minute. And so part of dealing with stress is understanding the source of stress, which is your own perfectionistic mindset that I'm too late, I'm behind, this isn't working, this always happens to me, this is never going to get better, or I can't relax until something changes. That perspective of stress is how you become capable of anything. Because here's the deal: I went from making no money to making uh$19,000 in a quarter to making$100,000 a month, to making$200,000 a month. And what happens is if you think the problems are out there, all the problems are just getting bigger. And that's why the version of me who first started my podcast and started my coaching business, she would not be capable of running the business I am now. You have to start where you're at. You have to be willing to be a beginner, you have to be willing to it to suck. It sucks. It's hard. You know, you get a hundred no's for every yes in every area that you're working on. And so that's the key is is realizing that success is how you're showing up today for whatever life is handing you to deal with. That's success. And when you redefine success and throw away the concept of failure, that's that is then allows you to then know, okay, I need nervous system regulation tools. I need more self-care, you know, I need then if you but you can't fix the problem if you don't know what it is.

SPEAKER_01 10:29

That is so true. And I agree with you, failure is one of the best information sources we have out there. So how can shifting to that iterative mindset where we're constantly tinkering and learning from our mistakes, how can that help founders handle business failures without spiraling into shame? Because I know we get so absorbed in our business that we think it's ourselves. So when it fails, we have failed and they take it very personally. How can they look at their failures objectively without spiraling into shame?

SPEAKER_00 11:05

Well, I think you need to understand that the iterative mindset is a tool, and so is the performance-based mindset. Like both of them have a function and a purpose. What most successful women are unaware of is that they're dealing, they're using the performance mindset to cultivate their relationship with themselves. And that's why they're internalizing failures and setbacks. Because if that failed, then I am a failure. And that is what's triggering the shame. The difference between a frustration over, you know, a result you didn't plan for and shame is that I made a mistake versus I am a mistake. I'm not actually capable of doing this. I'm out of my depth, that imposter syndrome that we get when we look at people ahead of us. An iterative mindset looks at people who are more successful and who are appearing to, you know, not be failing. And be you can be curious, how are they doing it? What are they doing? What could I take from their social media media strategy or podcast strategy or business model? So the iterative mindset is understanding, and this is science-based, by the way. And it started in the weight loss industry. Dr. Kyra Bobanid is the one that coined the iterative mindset as a thing that's kind of the grandchild of the growth mindset, if you will. Like growth mindset, we all get that, but there's still an end goal in mind where the iterative mindset is I'm always in a process of change. I'm never gonna be done. As soon as I get there, I'm gonna go somewhere else. You know, it's like there is no there to get to. And so applying the iterative mindset in your stress management, for example, is you may be a hot mess, party of one, cortisol jacked, not sleeping. And you're like, okay, how do I improve this by 10%? How do I make my life a little easier by 10%, instead of I need to reduce all of my stress and become a completely different person by tomorrow? I mean, that's not gonna work.

SPEAKER_01 13:24

Wouldn't it be nice if it would, though? Wouldn't it be nice if it would? Wonderful. You just mentioned cortisol and and not sleeping. And I know that that those two go hand in hand, as well as lack of sleep can really affect us as entrepreneurs. The stress keeps us up at night. And um just in general, what are some things that you do or advise your clients to do to help them get that rest that they need to come back recharged and refueled?

Stress Comes From The Inside

SPEAKER_00 13:58

Okay. So the sleeping problem is not solved at night. By the time you are laying awake at night, that is information that you can't your cortisol levels are too high, you're not coping with your stress. So what needs to happen is that you start your day. Like that is the most powerful piece of advice, is what I teach my clients. Start your day first 15 minutes, first 30 minutes, first three minutes, if you're iterating your way there, without looking at your phone. Cultivate a sense of safety and okayness in your body. Notice what's coming up for you. My best ideas come right when I wake up in the morning. And if I am distracted and letting other people's agenda drive my focus and attention, then I am not focused on my own peace and ease. Like to me, I get when I get dressed in the morning, it's not the outfit that I'm wearing, it's the emotion that I'm going to carry. What is my goal for today? It is to walk through this day with ease, abundance, clarity. And so here's the thing about your brain: your brain will help you get whatever you think you want. So if you think you want your podcast to do better and you want more money and you want better engagement on social media, if that's what you think you want, your brain will help you get that and you will be on the hamster wheel of stress. But if you think that you want to walk through your day with ease, then your brain will help you solve that and it will notify you like a good little Google alert when you are starting to get dysregulated. And I want you to think of dysregulation on a scale of one to 10. 10 being completely overwhelmed, shut down, lost my shit, brain fog, can't function. And a one being, you know, that kind of bothered me. Okay, so you've got one to 10. In order to sleep at night, you need to be operating kind of like aerobic exercise. You need to be operating in that five to seven area. So the difference between aerobic exercise and anaerobic exercise is aerobic is within a threshold that you can tolerate. If you can still talk and do the exercise, you are exercising aerobically. But when you are sprinting, when you are pushing, that's anaerobic exercise, you can't talk. So it's a very simple litmus test in your body. When you are moving through your day anaerobically, so to speak, where you are five minutes late, there's a thousand things raining on your chest. If you check in with your body in the present moment, who speaks energy, not English, then your energy will tell you I'm in a seven, I'm in an eight. It's kind of like the RPMs on your car. That's another analogy. You have to learn to drive your body through your day in the regulated zone. And you have to notice when your wheels are spinning faster than you're going and realize that's an internal problem. If you can solve for regulation and expand your capacity to stay regulated under greater and greater external situations of duress, then you will be able to go to sleep at night. The reason we can't sleep is because our body, we our bodies don't know how to shut down because we are in the habit of being intense. And so even if we do fall asleep, we wake back up because the feeling of peace is not familiar to us. So if you're dealing with sleep issues specifically, the first thing you can do is when you wake up in the middle of the night, be at peace with the fact that you're awake in the middle of the night. Okay, like I get it. I need to do some more self-care tomorrow. I'm gonna be a little tired. I might need to adjust my schedule. But if you start prioritizing for your regulation, then you will be able to sleep at night.

SPEAKER_01 19:11

So put yourself first.

SPEAKER_00 19:13

Yeah, that's so weird. And I make the mistake all the time. I fall back into it. I'm like, okay, as soon as I turn this cash crunch around, then I will relax. No. The version of me who can best deal with that cash crunch is the version of me who slept well last night and who has full confidence that I'll I'll figure it out, I'll handle it.

SPEAKER_01 19:36

One of your most powerful quotes is you don't have a high tolerance for alcohol. You have a high tolerance for ignoring yourself. As business owners, we are notorious for ignoring our physical and mental needs to keep the business running. So, what are some warning signs that we are running on that deficit you're talking about, that anaerobic state? And how does this lead to self-sabotaging behaviors?

Sleep Starts In The Morning

SPEAKER_00 20:02

All right. So, all self-sabotaging behaviors, whether it's alcohol or food or toxic relationships or shopping and trying to fix your feelings by spending money, whatever the self-sabotaging thing is that you later regret or that is causing results for you that are not working for you. That is not what what we misunderstand is that that is self-indulgent. I'm gonna indulge myself with with a drink or a bottle of wine tonight, I'm gonna indulge myself with this purchase. It's overdoing anything is not indulgence, it's a symptom of self-neglect. So instead of beating yourself up, again, this is data, this is information. So if you're in the habit of drinking wine, a glass, a bottle every single night, and you want to change that, the mindset that sees that is the problem is actually not going to be able to solve that problem because you're focusing on the wrong thing. It's just a symptom. It's the fire alarm going off. And if you weren't drinking, you'd be doing something else to cope. Coping is by definition, means you don't have the capacity to deal with what you're dealing with. And so the bottom line to answer your question is to understand that your professional trajectory is a direct reflection of your personal uh growth, your relationship with yourself. And that doesn't mean that you can't be successful being crazy and intense. But what it does mean is you're not gonna be happy when you get there anyway, because you wouldn't know what to do with a relaxing day if it bit you in the ass. You don't know how to be, you only know how to do. And here's the thing if you don't know how to turn off at 100%, your capacity to perform at 100% is gonna start decreasing and decreasing and decreasing. And what fills the gap are those self-sabotaging coping mechanisms.

SPEAKER_01 22:14

Gotcha. So you're not just talking about alcohol sobriety, you're talking about emotional sobriety in general.

SPEAKER_00 22:21

Yeah, that's exactly what I'm talking about. It's it's when you're no longer intoxicated by your own bullshit, which is I have to fix, figure out, I have to go get, you know, it's the stress response. The stress response is translated into your brain into in whatever problem you're focused on, but your body doesn't speak English, she speaks energy. It's not about the money, it's not about the performance, it's not about what did or didn't happen. Your body lives in the present moment. And when you learn how to interpret your own emotions, in the same way you interpret your dashboards and scorecards and analytics and to figure out what the problem is, you got to read your own dashboard. You got to read your own body language. And most of us are so focused on reading all the shit out there and then not realizing that our capacity to cope with all the shit out there requires us to show up in our best state, our most calm, clear headed, big picture self. She's the one that will make your business a s a success. Not this underslept, a little hungover. And out of her league, that version of you is not going to get you where you want to go. You have to become the version of you who's capable of rising at a bigger and better level. Because here's the thing about entrepreneurship: your problems just get bigger. Like you think you got money problems at the$10,000 a month mark. Wait till you get to 250. It's it's magnified. And what's being magnified is your ability to cope with it. I love that.

SPEAKER_01 23:59

How can female founders use this emotional sobriety you're talking about and their nervous system regulation to make clearer, more grounded business decisions rather than putting out fires everywhere and just reacting all the time?

SPEAKER_00 24:14

It's a very simple litmus test. And I teach kind of complicated nervous system stuff in some ways, but you can boil it down to are you just are you regulated or are you dysregulated? What that feels like, is your heart open? Is your mind curious? Or are you contracted and constricted and spinning in your brain? When you learn to tell the difference between regulated you and dysregulated you, and then you have a zero tolerance policy for operating in dysregulated mode. She doesn't write your emails, she doesn't speak for you, she doesn't make decisions, she doesn't make plans. Just like, you know, to tie this into a personal example, like with when you wake up with a hangover and you did it again and again, and that version of you is like, I gotta stop drinking forever. And you know, I can't, I can't keep doing this. No, no, no. That version of you, you have to feel her, you have to take care of her. But you're you don't let her call the shots. So learning to regulate yourself first before you think, before you speak, before you take an action or make a decision, that's the superpower that you're looking for. Regulated you, she's got this.

Self-Sabotage As Self-Neglect

SPEAKER_01 25:40

I love that. And there may be people out there listening right now that are like, well, you know, I'm not an alcoholic, I don't drink at all. This doesn't just apply to people with alcohol issues. This could even be a workaholic. I know that I used to be a chronic workaholic working 70 to 80 hours a week. I bought into hustle culture, and over here we're very anti-hustle culture. How can driven entrepreneurs self-diagnose whether or not they're working hard because it adds genuine pleasure to their lives, or if they're working compulsively just to avoid discomfort and hide?

SPEAKER_00 26:16

All right. Well, I am not gonna bullshit you on that one. I am running a seven-figure business, and sometimes I take weekends off, and sometimes I do not. Most days I work at least 12 hours a day because that's what I have to do. It's how I'm working. It is making sure I'm taking breaks with myself. Again, starting my day without my phone. I have a new puppy. Leaving my desk every two hours is now a mandatory thing because she gotta go pee-pee outside. So it's not that you're not gonna work hard or that you don't actually need to hustle. I have more to do on any given day than most people do in a month. And I'm not even kidding. But I do it one thing at a time. And when I when Colleen, this human body you're looking at, when she needs a break, when she has to pee, when she's starting to feel pressure, when she's getting overwhelmed in her mind and it just all sounds and looks too big, I stop. Again, I have a zero tolerance policy for operating in a dysregulated state. Regulated me works really damn hard. But I'm always monitoring my internal dashboard and making decisions from what I need so that I have the capacity to do all of the other stuff. Or else it's just that slippery slope where you're getting more stressed out, you feel like you're holding your breath, this is never gonna end. And then another catastrophic thing happens. And another, this last year, I have dealt with everything. You know, why isn't our funnel converting? It's because, you know, our automations aren't good. And then we fix that, and then nothing is converting. Oh, it's because our email deliverability isn't working, and the algorithm on Apple is working against us, and my analytics on my podcast have dropped by 25%, and I'm doing the best content I've ever gotten. Meanwhile, algorithm on TikTok is suppressing me. Like all of that has happened, and yet I'm walking through life with a new puppy under my arm, and I am getting ready to sell my house. Like, I'm still taking care of myself. You have to take care of yourself first, or there's gonna be nothing left, even if you do get there. And that's why people get to seven, eight, nine figures, and they're not happy because they don't know how to be happy because that never made the priority list.

SPEAKER_01 28:53

Very, very true. And business is gonna have its up and ups and downs. Anyone who's ever been in business at all will realize and understand that. And you have to ride those waves. And I like that you focus on being happy with yourself as those waves are coming and acknowledging that they are happening, but they are not going to take away your joy. Now, to my audience out there who is listening and going, yeah, this is easy to say. You're a seven-figure entrepreneur. I can't even break six figures. What advice would you give them when they're they're really striving to hit the six-figure mark? They feel like they need to hustle all the time, but they're feeling burnt out, they're feeling exhausted, and they feel like they're stuck. They just can't figure it out. What advice would you give them?

Regulated You Makes The Calls

SPEAKER_00 29:46

So the way I would diagnose that is that something is a skew in your perspective. When you are feeling overwhelmed instead of hopeful, like you have a plan, then something is missing. And most likely in this day and age, it's a matter of an education. Like I have a few entrepreneurial podcasts like this one that I listen to every single morning. I have been in high-ticket coaching programs myself. And here's what I will say the only reason I am a seven-figure owner is because I was willing to pony up$35,000 in the middle of a divorce where I had$44,000 to my name and no place to live. And I spent 35% of it on a coaching program, like throwing that Hail Mary pass at the end of a game. I'm like, I'm either going big or I'm going down. Investing in yourself is how you invest in your business. And so whether it be a nervous system regulation program, if you have a drinking problem, maybe it's mine, because just kidding, it's all about nervous system regulation and mindset. I just market to people whose pain point is alcohol. But investing in yourself at what at whatever level you can, and it can be listening to free podcasts, it can be joining a networking group with other people. Try to play up, try to try to get yourself into a room where people are ahead of you and you're not leading the class, you know, and that's the hardest part of growth is that I I've aged out of some of my best people. They're still making 15 grand a month, and I can't talk to them about my problems. I could coach them, but Colleen, and I'm still their friends, of course, and I do provide advice and support, but I need a community and a network of people who are going through what I'm going through, not just emotionally, but actually people that know what the algorithm does and different strategies and email campaigns. You can't do this alone, is what I'm saying. You need other people. So whatever it takes to put yourself into rooms with other people struggling with the same problems you are, that's the that's the thing.

SPEAKER_01 32:07

I love that. And I can so relate when I hired my first business coach, it was$10,000. And for me at the time, that was an insane amount of money and a huge investment in myself that kind of made me want to throw up a little bit. And and I'm sitting there doing the math, trying to figure out okay, if I could if I clip coupons and if I do this, and if I just eat vegetarian food, how can I make this happen? How can I afford this? And that was one of the best investments I ever made. And I agree with surrounding yourself with people. I'm in a high-ticket mastermind group with other women that do what I do because no one is going to understand what you do unless they're doing it as well. You can ask your husband, your friend, whoever for advice, and they will try to help you, but they're not gonna get.

Investing In Yourself And Support

Where To Find Colleen And Wrap-Up

SPEAKER_00 33:04

Yeah. Yeah. You need both professional and legitimate strategic support. And and you know, every decision I've made, I've always spent the money before I had the money, whether it be hiring my first assistant, hiring the consultant that's super pricey to man help manage the business. I've always spent the money before I've had the money because that's actually how you get there. So the bottom line is that you have to have the capacity to take risks like that, to know that you will be okay, even if it's not okay. I've also invested in high-ticket coaching where it was not worth the money that I put in. But my personal policy is I'm gonna extract the value. My first, no, not my first, one of my investments, I made a 10,000 investment in somebody that I thought was gonna come in and change my business. And it was the exact opposite of what I needed. I did everything she said, and I I get things got worse, not better. And I had the capacity to learn from my mistake without beating myself up or not making it again. In fact, the$35,000 investment I made came after I'd already spent$10,000 thinking that was going to fix my business. Professional success comes down to nervous system regulation. Your ability to tolerate risk and to be able to handle perceived failure is what entrepreneurship is about. And if you're not, if that's not the journey, then don't sign up.

SPEAKER_01 34:45

If people want to learn more about nervous system regulation, how how can they find you? How can they work with you?

SPEAKER_00 34:51

Um, my podcast is called It's Not About the Alcohol. Ironically, I talk a lot about alcohol as an entry point to nervous system regulation, to the iterative mindset, to emotional goal setting, which I referred to, where you set the goal of how you want to feel today, and then you run everything through that filter, better or worse, more or less. I teach identity-based change. You know, if you don't see yourself as somebody who's capable of starting a podcast in our late 40s and getting a seven-figure business in your early 50s, then it's not going to happen. You have to see yourself. So I teach identity-based change and metacognition and nervous system regulation. I teach all those tools on my podcast. It's not about the alcohol. And you can find more about me also on my website, emotional sobrietycoaching.com.

SPEAKER_01 35:44

Fabulous. And I will link all of that down in the description so that you can reach out to Colleen and learn more about this and start making big changes in your own business. And until next time, keep planning like a boss.